One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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