He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize