i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
