The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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