Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
