First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
