come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
