fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
