I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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