I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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