just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
