Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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