Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
