Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
