you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
