The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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