you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize