If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
