Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
