you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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