I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
