omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
