Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
