I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I lost the right to judge tonight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
