he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
