WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
