Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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