Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
