I cockslap morals
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
