do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize