At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
