I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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