She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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