I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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