I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
