ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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