well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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