Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
