im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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