Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
