New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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