**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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