Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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