I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
