so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
