So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
