I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize