Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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