OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
