They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
