He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
