I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize