Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
