At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
