I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
