she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
