i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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