Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
