hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
