so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
