I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize