just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
