you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
