I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
