Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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