What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize