He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
