i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
