Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
