fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize