yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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