did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
