You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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