On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
