I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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