I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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