So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
