So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
