My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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