I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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