if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
