I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
