I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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