i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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