Will you blow on my dice?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize