do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
