look no pants
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
