Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
