You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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